“You would not have been calling to me unless I had been calling to you.” — Aslan

The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis

On the hundredth day of school in second grade was the first time little Ethan Dial, with his round cheeks and buzzed-cut head, knew what he wanted to do with his life. He drew a picture of what he imagined in one hundred years. He saw himself covered in wrinkles, with a grin laced from cheek to cheek and a pair of glasses sitting on his ears, in a wheel chair surrounded by shelf upon shelf of books. These were books that he had not only written but illustrated.

Two years down the road, fourth grade Ethan (not Jeffrey, and especially not Jeff) started at a new school where he began anchoring the amateur production of the morning news featured on the tiny televisions, which seemed to be from the 1950’s, mounted in the corner of each McDermott Elementary classroom. The whole school was greeted with a cheery, “Good morning, McDermott Mustangs,” in his signature high-pitched voice every morning. It was there in the library media room that he realized he had dreams of becoming a news anchor one day.

High school Ethan, now nicknamed JETHAND by his friends (which is J for Jeffrey, ETHAN for Ethan, and D for Dial), truly began practicing his craft in Ms. Holiman’s journalism class in room 101 at Little Rock Central High School. Forming sentence after sentence for article after article, ranging from news and features to reviews and columns, the proud owner of the 1998 forest green Jeep Wrangler that parked in the same parking spot every day was sure that he wanted to major in journalism.

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These moments flash through my brain when I think about who I am, where I’ve been, who I will be, and where I will go. They make me think about dreams that I’ve had and the dreams to come. They make me ponder my life. What will it be like? Who will I marry? What will the names of my children be? Will I have an important job? Where will I live? What will my legacy be?

I pray for my life to come quickly and then remember that I’m living it right now. I pray for my dreams to come true. Then I remember that life isn’t about my dreams. It’s not about who I will be or what I will do. It’s not about my accomplishments or failures. In fact, it’s not about me at all.

I don’t quite remember who invited me, who I drove with the very first time, or even what we discussed that evening, but somehow, God sent freshman me to Dr. Kluck’s house for Wednesday night Bible study within the first couple of weeks of college. I was antsy sitting at the table with a variety of personalities sprinkled on all sides. Bits of each conversation in the room entered my ears, chaotically jumbling everything together. As many of us do, I just smiled and nodded as I tried to memorize the names and faces of those I would spend every Wednesday night studying God’s word with. Finally, Dr. Kluck dimmed the lights and turned up the volume of the TV that was soon to be dominated by Matt Chandler’s voice.

Something drew me back to that living room or “the bunker,” as Dr. Kluck calls it, week after week. I would enter his back yard every Wednesday, needing to hear what would come and knowing that God would show me something new I needed to work on. Whether out of habit or enjoyment, I showed up faithfully even through Tiger Tunes.

Thankfully, this trend stuck, and I still attend every Wednesday that I can. I show up with my favorite brown leather Bible, Moleskine notebook, and my pen—not always ready to learn but nevertheless willing to listen. One Wednesday night last semester, something struck a chord, hit home, or whatever you want to call it, but we’ll come back to that soon.

I have been thinking about writing a blog for years now. However, I didn’t want to do it just because everyone else was. I wanted mine to be different, and I wasn’t even sure if my stories were worth telling, mostly because stories invigorate me. Nothing captures my attention like a good story. When I was younger, I would grab my box of action figures every afternoon and dump them out in my favorite nook behind my mom’s chair. I would set up shop and imagine up a whole world for my characters to live in. They would get married, have kids, become president, solve crimes, and do all the things that I dreamed of doing. Needless to say, I’ve always had a love for life and all the different stories it produces, but coming up with a blog good enough to share with the whole internet was petrifying.

Recently, though, God has reminded me that every story is worth telling because He created each and every storyteller with a unique voice. So, a couple nights ago, I opened my MacBook and began clicking the keys.

With that said, after that Wednesday night at Bible study, I finally decided what I wanted to write about. Last semester, we studied the book of Judges. We went through almost every chapter, and our last topic was “Christian Atheism.” Of course, I know this sounds like a complete oxymoron, and it is, but I think if you take a minute and search, you will find a glimpse of it in your life if you’re a believer. In the video, the speaker described this “Christian Atheism” as believing in God but living like you don’t have faith.

When I was saved at the age of seven, it seemed like such a simple task to give my life to the Lord. I had heard about Jesus my whole life and knew that He died for my sins, so why wouldn’t I trust Him with everything? As of late, I have realized how often I falter. Whether it be in questioning my future, worrying about my grades, or being bogged down by the things of the world, I’ve realized many times I don’t give everything to Him. I forget that my God is the same God who spoke the earth into existence. He is the one who parted the Red Sea. The one who can move mountains and perform miracles. He is the God who conquered death all so that I could live. Yet, every day, I pretend as if He isn’t in control, as if the world isn’t in His precious hands.

Therefore, I am living as if I’m an atheist, blind to what God can do and full of faith that is faithless.

“But know this: Hard times will come in the last days. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, proud, demeaning, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, without love for what is good, traitors, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to the form of godliness but denying its power. Avoid these people.” -2 Timothy 3:1-5

Christian Standard Bible

After this profound realization, the question is simple: how do I fix it? The answer isn’t complex; it’s the living it out that is tricky. We must surrender everything over to Him daily. Be in constant communication with Him, telling Him all that He already knows but still wants to hear. We must sacrifice our time for Him, spending time in the Word and meditating on what He has to say to us. We must be still and listen, remembering that He is always in our presence.

While it won’t be easy, it must be necessary. Look around. See the suffering? The end is drawing near. Fires are burning. People are dying. Satan is working. The answer is Jesus. His arms are open to bear our burdens. His ears are longing to listen. His mouth is ready to speak. And His eyes are filled with compassion. He is waiting for us to lean into Him, to embrace His all-consuming love. It’s now or never. It’s time for us to stop living like Atheists and start living like children of THE ONE TRUE KING. God has never left His throne, nor will He ever. His power is at work inside us ready to set our souls on fire for Him. All we have to do is surrender. To take up our cross every day and follow Him.

If we do this, our life isn’t guaranteed to be any easier, but He does promise His peace. Our joy won’t be consumed by the things of this world but boosted by His love. We won’t be worried about today, tomorrow, or even what our life will be like in 100 years. We won’t be focused on who we will be or what we will do. Our sole purpose will be serving King Jesus and, in this service, there will be no devastation, because Jesus has already fought the battle and conquered death.

“Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness, you who seek the Lord: Look to the rock from which you were cut, and to the quarry from which you were dug.” -Isaiah 51:1

Christian Standard Bible

Hanging up till next time!

-Ethan Dial